Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It was confusing and full of hummus
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The Olympian is in my bed
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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