dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
