I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
God, I missed his penis.
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