dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
