My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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