I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
