Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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