shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She told me I should be a condom model.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
