Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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