she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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