This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
