I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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