dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
