I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
