I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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