But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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