Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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