You really coming over, don't trick.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
