i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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