I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
