I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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