A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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