dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize