shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
