why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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