Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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