I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
