Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
