I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize