I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's shark week go big or go home
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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