a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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