Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
