Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
