Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
