and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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