When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
