Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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