Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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