I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
