She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize