Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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