those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
