Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
