my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Your cock deserves a montage
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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