im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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