My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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