I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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