I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
