i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
