Do you still have your period?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If its not for food we ain't going out.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
