went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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