remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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