see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
