just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
