my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
