the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
one might say we're banned from that church
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
