I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize