Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
