he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My feet surprised me
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