what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
