Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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