everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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