I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
