we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
