I'd wear matching sweaters with you
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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