Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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