tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
