They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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