My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
