Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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