Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
God, I missed his penis.
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