just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize