and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
