Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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