ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
