Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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