How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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