I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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