My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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