you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think I died a long time ago.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
