I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am naked and annoyed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
