I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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