More tranny stories later!
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
