Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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