Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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