my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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