atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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