Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
