So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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