hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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