This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
