nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
